All 4 days at training, something has been blown up, which is awesome. Losses were kept at a minimum, 1 gas gun was destroyed and 2 fingers sliced today while busting windows. Could've been worse.
When I get super-interested in something, I tend to jump into it headlong and focus much more of my energy that I probably should. I really need to stop this because then when things don't move as fast as I wish they could, I feeel let-down in a way. I know it's stupid, but it's something I've done for so many years I don't know what to do about it.
All week, I've tried to stay close to the group and listen to them talking about how to do something and why you do it "this way" and not "that way".
I feel like I'm trying to blend in and I really hope I'm not pushing it, but I can't wait to feel like I'm really a part of the group. Right now, I just feel like a shadow. Sure, they are talking to me, and I don't single myself out like the other medics, but this is what sucks. Just like changing stations at work, waiting to be truely accepted just drags you down a bit.
After everything was wrapped up today, a couple guys were going running and I decided it'd be wise to join them. After all, what's 2 miles? I used to run a helluva lot more than that in the academy.
My chest wanted to explode by the time I made the first half mile, but I kept pushing. About a quarter mile up the road, I had to slow to a brisk walk. The guys continued without saying a word to me. Dammit, they have the guns and I have to be unarmed this time.
I tried to jog as much as I could, and relinquished myself to at least keeping the guys in sight. Which I managed to do, no thanks to the one really big hill.
I did manage to catch up to them as they went back in the gates, they'd slowed to a walk the last 1/10th of a mile.
Of course I got a little ribbing about "where'd you go?" And how my face was so red they thought my head might explode.
I responded honestly, I haven't run since the fire academy, because nobody made me do it anymore.
I need a runnin buddy, or a human to run with. Either one would do.
4 days ago