A bit of burnout

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I've had a fair bit of time to sit back and assess where I'm at in life, compared to where I want to be. Sure, I've got some really neat things going for me. I also am strapped pretty tightly because of those luxuries, I have been for quite a while.

As I sit back and ponder my career, I'm not sure if I'm actually happy anymore. I love being a firefighter and an EMT, don't get me wrong, I'm just not sure if my department is the right one for me anymore.

There have been a lot of changes going on. I knew they were coming, I even joined others in wishing for some of them. I'm just not so sure anymore. Morale is still tanked. There's just as much distrust among the ranks as before, except now, we have even more evidence against those we feel are incapable of their duties (or number and arrangement of bugles). Don't even get me started on how the powers that be have really screwed things up around here.

I've been thinking more and more about jumping ship to another department. I have no clue where I'd go. The worst part would be starting over, being *the* rookie again, no longer able to drive, unfamiliar with the territory/crew/equipment. I just don't know what I want.

I do know I need to do something to rejuvinate my love for going to work. I used to have trouble sleeping the night before shift because of excitement. Now, I still have trouble sleeping, but it's not excitement that keeps me awake. This is a large part of why I've fallen so quiet with my posting. I just don't get excited about work, and it's so hard to share stories and experiences when your attitude is crushed.

Any guys/gals out there willing to offer any advice? I'd love to hear it. I'm in a real funk right now.

Trudging along

My personal life is still stressful, work is still irritating me more often than not. I'm feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place. I just don't have the muse or subject for any interesting posts lately.

If anyone has any fire-related questions, feel free to hit me up. Anything from why we park our trucks the way we do, to what's ___ call like, to station life.

Respect

Well, it's been over a month since I went on semi-hiatus. I've been reading everyone's blogs about once a week, vs, every other day.

Life outside of work has been hectic. There's been a lot of different things going on at home that have sent me pinging between overly stressed, and relaxed to the max. I've been more on the stressed side unfortunately. I am determined to make the remainder of this month fun. There are friends coming from out of state, and other things to keep me happy and entertained.

Work has been a strange mixture of boring and crazy. There are some potentially huge changes in the works, but only time will tell. I'm trying to stay as unbiased as I can about most of these changes. I will be affected by the changes, but not as much as many other people will be. It's been an interesting ride so far.

I've somewhat developed a new pet peeve as well. Respect.

I was visiting another station for a few minutes a short time ago. Their brand new rookie was talking smack about waxing my station's floor on a house day. Offerring to help me load their floor buffer into my rig, the works. I tried to be nice, but my patience wore thin and I finally told him since he was so concerned about us having a floor buffer, he looked like a good one. So come on over and run our machine.

Why did he feel the need to pester me about the floors? Why did he think it was ok to talk trash to someone he's never even met before?

Respect is earned, not given...BUT, there is a certain amout you must display. I would never walk up to someone I'd never met and start telling him how dirty the floor of his station was. It's just not the way you should handle something like that. Especially if you don't even actually know it's an issue (I'm pretty sure he's never even visited my station).

There are also a few people about to be promoted. It's amazing to sit back and listen to some of them talk about how they plan to take over their new stations, everyone will do _____, etc.

Why would anyone want to walk into a station and immediately start "blowing his bugles"? Other than a poor reputation preceeding you, that is the fastest way to lose any respect from your new crew.

A few years ago, my station had a new (to us) captain transferred in. On the first shift, he started making major changes. He had never worked with us before and had no idea about how the station normally ran. It pissed a lot of us off. It also took a long time for him to start regaining any real respect from the crew. We all respected that he was the captain, but there wasn't much respect for the person behind the bugles.

It's going to be very interesting to watch. My crew will be changed around and all I hope for is to get equally fun and knowledgeable people that get along as well as we currently do. My biggest fear is to be part of a crew that doesn't get along, doesn't work well together, and don't know the job. My department is getting very young and there's no amount of ego that can make up for the experience the senior guys have.

Hiatus

I'm not quitting or shutting this blog down. I just have too many stressful things going on right now to be able to scrounge up the muse or the subject for an entry.

I can't go into detail without revealing too much about myself or my department.

Just have a lil faith that I will be back once my life isn't too much for me to feel I can manage. Please keep my sanity in your prayers. I need all the help I can get right now.


~Firelady

I received this from my dad, and I had to share. The whole thing is sub-titled, in case you can't follow along easily.

Well, I'm not too bruised or battered, but I've definately learned some things lately. I recently completed a version of defensive tactics.

Very, very good class overall. I've been attacked or been on a scene that went bad multiple times. Sadly, I can't say PD was there, or that they actually stepped in to help us fire/ems guys every time. At least now I have a better idea and some basic training to help me get out of that situation next time it happens.

When it boils down to it, I'm going home at the end of my shift. Just because I don't carry a gun doesn't mean nobody will attack me. I'm just another uniform.

I say this happened a long time ago, when in all actuality, it was maybe 5 years ago.

I was riding backwards on the engine, enjoying a day of being tailboard. We were sent to a house fire in our 2nd due. I don't remember fine details, but I do remember being inside with the nozzle at some point. Much of the fire was out, but there was still a lot to be had in the walls.

I vaguely remember throwing a ladder on the C side on a balcony. There was a crew stuck there that'd run out of air. They came down the ladder before I headed up it with a hoseline in tow.

I ended up in a bedroom on the 2nd story, A side. My driver was right beside me, digging into the sheetrock with his hook, then leaning in to direct me with the nozzle. I think it was the first fire I went into, much less had some nozzle time, since the academy.

I don't know where the Captain was at that moment in time, but I preferred the driver's company more anyways. I remember being content just having the knob and my new friend there showing me what the hell I was really supposed to be doing. After all, real fire is nothing like the pallets and hay you see in the academy. You actually have to hunt for it sometimes, and there's no such thing as "pretend it's bigger, the crew before you put too much water on it."

My friend still works that area of the department. I moved to a different area not long after this fire. A different Captain was moved into that station that I just horribly clashed with personality-wise. I don't regret the move either. I've learned so much more than I think I would have if I'd stayed. Around the time I transferred, my true mentor retired, my friend was transferred, I hated the captain, and it just didn't feel like home anymore.

There's not much chance I'll be transferred from my current station right now and that's a-ok by me.