I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I've had a fair bit of time to sit back and assess where I'm at in life, compared to where I want to be. Sure, I've got some really neat things going for me. I also am strapped pretty tightly because of those luxuries, I have been for quite a while.
As I sit back and ponder my career, I'm not sure if I'm actually happy anymore. I love being a firefighter and an EMT, don't get me wrong, I'm just not sure if my department is the right one for me anymore.
There have been a lot of changes going on. I knew they were coming, I even joined others in wishing for some of them. I'm just not so sure anymore. Morale is still tanked. There's just as much distrust among the ranks as before, except now, we have even more evidence against those we feel are incapable of their duties (or number and arrangement of bugles). Don't even get me started on how the powers that be have really screwed things up around here.
I've been thinking more and more about jumping ship to another department. I have no clue where I'd go. The worst part would be starting over, being *the* rookie again, no longer able to drive, unfamiliar with the territory/crew/equipment. I just don't know what I want.
I do know I need to do something to rejuvinate my love for going to work. I used to have trouble sleeping the night before shift because of excitement. Now, I still have trouble sleeping, but it's not excitement that keeps me awake. This is a large part of why I've fallen so quiet with my posting. I just don't get excited about work, and it's so hard to share stories and experiences when your attitude is crushed.
Any guys/gals out there willing to offer any advice? I'd love to hear it. I'm in a real funk right now.
Down for the night. Gardnerville, NV
2 hours ago